“Main apni hi sochon ka qaid ho gaya hoon,
– Zulfikar Inamdar
Har din khud se ladte ladte thak gaya hoon…
Magar dil ke kisi chup kone mein,
Ab bhi ek awaaz aati hai —
‘Tu toot gaya hai… lekin khatam nahi hua.’”
“I became a prisoner of my own thoughts,
Fighting myself every single day until I was exhausted…
Yet somewhere deep within my silence,
a voice still whispers —
‘You are broken… but you are not finished.’”
“Khud Se Jang”:
Arz kiya hai ke…
Mujhe nafrat ho gayi hai khud se,
Khud ko bekaar kar liya maine…
Zehni sochon se ladte ladte,
Khud ko bimaar kar liya maine…
Main apni hi sochon ke daldal mein,
Roz thoda thoda utarta gaya…
Har ek khayal ne dheere dheere,
Mujhe andar se hi marta gaya…
Har subah bojh si lagti hai,
Har raat qarzdaar si hoti hai…
Main jeena chahta hoon lekin,
Zindagi inkaar si hoti hai…
Aaina dekhu to lagta hai,
Ye chehra mera nahi raha…
Jo kabhi roshan tha andar se,
Wo insaan kahin kho gaya…
Na shikwa kisi se baqi hai,
Na kisi se koi gila raha…
Bas apne hi khamosh dard ka,
Main khud hi silsila raha…
Log kehte hain sab theek hoga,
Par dil ko tasalli hoti nahi…
Har ek umeed ke tukde ko,
Main jodta hoon, wo jodti nahi…
Kabhi sajdon mein sukoon milta tha,
Ab dua bhi bojh si lagti hai…
Phir bhi toot kar har raat main,
Rab ko pukarta rehta hoon chup si…
Kisi ne samjha nahi dard mera,
Kisi ne mehsoos kiya nahi…
Is bheed bhari duniya ke andar,
Maine khud ko jiya nahi…
Main khud se bhaagna chahta tha,
Magar kahan tak bhaag pata…
Har raasta ghoom ke phir se,
Mujhe mere paas hi le aata…
Main ne sab ko maaf kar diya,
Bas khud ko maaf kar na saka…
Sab zakhmon ko bharne diya,
Par apna zakham bhar na saka…
Kabhi lagta hai main kho gaya hoon,
Kabhi lagta hai main hoon hi nahi…
Jaise saans to chal rahi hai,
Par zindagi kahin bhi nahi…
Magar kahin dil ke kone mein,
Ek halki si roshni baqi hai…
Jo kehti hai “abhi khatam nahi”,
Bas itni si zindagi baqi hai…
Gir kar bhi uthne ki aadat hai,
Yeh dard bhi kya kamaal karta hai…
Khud se haar kar bhi ai Zulfikar,
Dil jeene ka sawaal karta hai…
___________________________________
English Version:
“War Within Myself”:
A Request is…
I have grown to resent myself,
I turned my own worth into nothingness…
Fighting the chaos inside my mind,
I slowly made myself a sickness…
Into the swamp of my own thoughts,
I kept sinking a little each day…
Every single thought, piece by piece,
Was quietly taking my life away…
Every morning feels like a burden,
Every night feels painfully owed…
I want to live, I truly do…
But life keeps telling me “no”…
When I look into the mirror now,
This face no longer feels like mine…
The man who once lived within me,
Has been lost somewhere in time…
No complaints against anyone remain,
No grudges left to confess…
Just an endless chain of silent pain,
That I carry in loneliness…
People say “everything will be fine,”
But my heart finds no relief…
Every broken piece of hope I try to fix,
Falls apart in silent grief…
Once I found peace in prostration,
Now even prayers feel heavy and cold…
Yet every night, shattered and weak,
I still call upon my Lord…
No one ever understood my pain,
No one truly saw inside…
In a world so full of people,
I forgot how it feels to be alive…
I tried to run away from myself,
But how far could I really go…
Every road I chose eventually,
Brought me back to the same shadow…
I forgave everyone in my life,
But myself—I couldn’t release…
I let every wound slowly heal,
Except mine… which never found peace…
Sometimes I feel like I’m lost,
Sometimes I feel I don’t exist…
As if I’m breathing without a soul,
As if life itself has been dismissed…
And yet… somewhere deep inside,
A faint little light still remains…
It whispers softly, “not the end,”
Through all the darkness and pain…
I have learned to rise after every fall,
Even pain has its own strange art…
Even after losing to myself,
My heart still chooses to restart…
Sher O Shayeri 